A family Affair

Tried and true signs you're somebody's girlfriend: 1. They stop dating other people and only date you 2. They take you out to a dinner with all their other friend-couples and last but not least, 3. They invite you to their family birthday dinner with Mom. Oh yeah, no escaping this one Emmerson, you are officially Princeton-Harvard's girlfriend whether you know it or not. It's been a while since we've had an Em and P-H update so let me bring you all up to speed. After a month, 2 out of 3 of these signs had come to fruition and we all tried to warm Em, but she refused to come to terms. I mean isn't the rule, until you've had "that conversation" things aren't official? - Everyone knows these are the rules, come on, P-H did you miss Princeton's class on dating rules 101? So let me tell ya'll about this little birthday bash with the fam. Emmerson arrived at STK for the dreaded dinner, where she was greeted by P-H in the parking lot, his family straggling behind. Eager to meet the elusive Miss Emmerson, P-H's mom rushed to the car to meet the young lady stealing her little ivy-league boy's heart. Bombarded by Mom as she got out her car, Emmerson had absolutely no time to get her bearings. Not cool. Advantage: Mom. P-H's bday present was chilling on the passenger seat when it was spotted by a buoyant Mom. Can't leave that there. Too quick for Emmerson, Mom grabs it out of the car, all the while Emmerson yelling "No! No!" in her head. *Uh Oh face* So the whole gang's chilling at dinner, when P-H's bday cake arrives. The singing erupts and Em finally gets a chance to read the cakes' greeting: Happy Birthday P-H, love Mom, Grandpa, and Emmerson. *Screatching breaks coming to a hault* Love, Emmerson?....love, Emmerson? Where was the memo on this one? Isn't it still too early for Mom to be going ahead and including Emmerson on family things like this? I mean not if she wants to scare Emmerson away, then it's tots brilliant - touche Mom (but I don't think that was her twisted plan). It's present time! Yay, my fav, I love presents. One from Mom, one from Grandpa...those were all boring. Time to get to the good stuff, bring on Em's present. All together now, "Oy"! Mom is beaming with pride, P-H has finally found his girl. The wrapping paper comes off, the box lifts open......it's a RED CROTCHLESS TEDDY. Happy birthday P-H, Emmerson's giving you herself on your special day. Mom don't look to happy now, and Grandpa doesn't even know what's going on. Goooodtimes. Wish I could have been there to experience this joyful event in person.

After dinner: a "special talk" with Mom at P-H's Mom's house. Emmerson on one end of the couch, P-H on the other, and Mom, smack dab in the middle. You could cut the awkwardness with a knife. It's fantastic. Side note - run Em. Run. P-H is clearly still a momma's boy. Def not good. Back to story. What kernels of wisdom did Mom have to impart on the two young lovers? And I quote, "I know you might think you can reuse a condom 2 or even 3 times, well that's just not true. I'm sure you're a very nice girl, dear but I just want to make sure that you kids are safe (hmmm...wonder if Mom learned that the hard way. Can you say P-H = Accident?). In order to detox from this horrific event, P-H took Em to go meet some of his friends for drinks at his fav bar. Em called me to come meet them. I could hardly keep myself from busting out laughing when I pulled up to the bar which sat between Princeton and Harvard avenues in Santa Monica (Truthity, I kid you not. There's no way I could make this stuff up). Walking into this place was like walking into another world, P-H's friends were like little clones of himself. They were all blazer wearing - jcrew looking - I was head oarsman of the rowing team at Princeton types. But here's the catch, they're all Cali born and bred. Curious. Can a SoCali - beach going girl ever make it with a East Coast wannabe prepster? Only time will tell. OMG, it's like Romeo and Juliet or something. I gest, anyhoo, drink up Em, only copious amounts of alcohol can erase the train wreck that was meeting Mom.