Ohhhhh baby, baby...

Spotted: Emmerson snuggling up to some very personal feminine products. Could Em really be preggers?!? And if so, whose little bastard child is it – PH or Concert Boy? Yikes. Mommy and Daddy would be so proud. It's been about a month since Em's fateful one minute-stand with the infamous Concert Boy. Our spy at CVS says Em was doing some serious deliberating over the preggers tests. But in the end, looks like she made a good choice – I mean it's not EPT but is error proof-ness really all that important when it comes to finding out if you're about to spawn with some Frat Boy delinquent? Nah. Clearly one test is not enough for such a life changing possibility, so we all strapped in the car and jetted over to Costco where you can buy preggers tests buy the truck-load (you know, for those really slutty girls). Ahhh, Costco, god bless…what would the tartish world do without you? After peeing on about 10 different sticks, Em's results were still inconclusive. Guess this means a stirrup party is on the horizon….can't wait! We're peeing our pants in excitement. Bets are being taken on the results – get in while the gettin's still good. No matter whose baby it is, we say tell PH it's his, Em (can you say shotgun wedding?). I mean really, ya'll, shot gun weddings are so en vogue (echem, Mariah). Even if it is Concert Boy's, just keep that your dirty little secret (que the music). Anyhoozle…that's it for me this time around. Peace out….I'll be back soon to let you know if Em's in the family way.

Menage's Menage

This picture gives a whole new meaning to term, safe streets. So how many tries does it take to strap one on? - that's the question de jour. A virtual hail storm of condoms cascaded down on to Fountain last night (this is why people in L.A. don’t walk) as Menage' got freaky on her balcony with a college ex AND a charming Brit journalist she picked up at Bar Lubitsch. Menage' and her favorite lu-bitches hit the town hard at L.A.'s trendiest ruskie bar. As the saying goes when in Rome… so when in Russia, the girls felt it their duty to appropriately honor Mother Russia by throwing back some Stoli. The girls did mommy proud as they toasted her several times. As the music started bumpin the girls migrated to the back half of the bar to get their grove on because they only had 4 minutes to save the world (fricky fricky). Jordan made a bee line to say “Hi” to her friend, the DJ and Menage’, who had already made plans to meet up with College Boy later that night, set her eyes on the Charming Brit with about only a minute and a half to save the world. Things got pretty hot on the dance floor and as Sadie, Jordan, and Emmerson closed down the bar, Menage’ found her way back home with the Brit.

There, already waiting (and already a little toasted) on her steps was College Boy, who was none-to-happy to see Mr. Brit in tow. But he started singing a different tune as soon as Menage’ grabbed him by the collar and wrangled both men inside her building. Menage’s au trios quickly moved on to the balcony for a little “air and convo” and quickly down-shifted into a make out sesh with both boys. Before you could say “dos v’danya” the condoms were flying (literally), because let’s just say – though all were sufficiently under the influence - hard alcohol is a misnomer *winkypunface*. After about as many attempts to get suited up as LiLo takes to pass her breathalyzer before starting her car, Menage nearly lost interest….but fortunately for this French, her letter was delivered on time. Sorry, maybe that one was over your head – google, lu-bitches!. Au revoir, dos v’danya, and goodbye, marnistone…..out.

Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll

Mirror, mirror on the table who’s the fairest of them all? Well, Snow White, of course. Spotted: Jordan sitting across the table from some coke classic (and I don’t mean the beverage, people). So is the cliché true?, let’s see … Keth Richards – check. Jimi Hendrix – check. Sid Vicious – check. And our faves, Amy – check. Yup, looks like it. Now we’re not going to make any snap judgments (yes we are, who are we kidding), but is dear Jordan enjoying the coke side of life? Well that ain’t sugar on the table, honey (see above). Taken at a fabu Hollywood party in The Hills, party goers wasted no time before pulling out their full on coke kit (razor blades included!) and really getting the party started. What could be better than an open bar on a terrace over-looking the valley (the little people) and some party favors inside, upstairs. Jordan was seen getting her groove on till the wee hours of the morning, even giving a little display of her drumming abilities for all the party peeps with the house owner’s kit. After which she was spotted leaving in a black Cayenne with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. And why always a mirror? I don’t get it, do people have to look at themselves while they cut lines – like, ooo, I’m so pretty all coked out. Idk, Jord, maybe you and Menage’ should become besties (cokedoutface). She can prob give you some helpful hints (or at least some good place to score ;)). Do you want me to book you a room at Promises now or later?..cuz like, I hear like it’s beautiful there. Say hi to LiLo for me. We still love you even if you are our little closet coke head. Peace out. Come back soon..mwah.