Shoots and Ladders

Someone once told me that the dynamic between guys and girls can be explained simply by Shoots and Ladders. Nowthis person gave me entry into the male psyche (scary stuff) which was only fleeting but boy, have his words hit home with each passing day. Ok, so now to the good stuff, this wise sage explained to me that women have 2 ladders - a friend one and a more-than-friends one (with each rung representing the level of intensity to which they want to be your friend slash rip your clothes off). Goys, however, have 1 ladder - "even firemen?", I asked - no, not really I didn't. So this 1 ladder is a more-than-friends ladder, made up only of girls with whom they want to hook up. Oh guys, sooo complex... simply put: girls can be friends with guys, while guys, well they'll only acknowledge you if they want to see you naked. Guys don't do friends (seriously, the show should have been called "F*ck Buddies", right, with all the hooking up...guess that didn't fly so well with the network). So just like when a negative number is multiplied by a positive one you [sometimes, thanks Mean Girls] or always get a negative one, you never get a friendhship when you multiply a girl and a guy together (the exception being a straight women and a gay man). I love my math analogies. Anyhoo, so does that mean "When Harry Met Sally" really is the wisest movie of all time? Damn, I wish someone could have told me that when I was like 7 and first saw the movie - would have saved me sooo much trouble.

So these are the things running through my head when Sadie says she was just trying to be nice and friendly to Awkward Boys. RHR somehow made his way over to our full apartment the other night, sitting himself down next to Sadie while we watched some TV. So too-cool-for-school RHR is so not interested in the tube and asks Sadie if she's got anything and I quote "more interesting in her room?" Really, RHR? Are we 12, is this the first time you've ever been around a girl you had a crush on? Maybe you should have just come over wearing a shirt saying "Hey, Sadie, can I get in your pants?" So little effort, finesse, or originality put into this one RHR; so Sadie's all like no, not really, a TV, a bed, and a computer. Suck on that! So then, like the second I leave the room RHR makes his move, he leans in and plants one on Sadie before she can duck and dodge. Awkward boy pulls back and stares in for, like, ever. And then, he goes in for the kill again. Oh no, boy. Not this time - so what does Sadie do? She uses one of the oldest tricks in the book - not not "Ive got herpes" but close, she told him "it's getting late". So RHR sees himself out but not before turning awkwardly at the door and staring one last time. Sadie may have been high on his ladder but she definitely wanted off, asap (see above picture).

Why are guys so myopic, why is friendship or even the thought that other people (ie women) might only be thinking friends so foreign? - are they really that self-obsessed and big headed? You ruin it it for everyone, guys. Shit, gurl! Or in this case - shoots, gurl!