Yummy McBiblethumper

Oh, Yummy.....the story of Yummy McBiblethumper is epic. The story starts back a couple months ago when The Initials were playing a concert. Jordan was hanging on stage after her show as the band was cleaning up. As the crowd meandered out Jordan spotted Yummy who was walking out ever so slowly hoping to catch her eye. See, she had spotted Yummy earlier during the concert and the two had been having eye sex (that little slut) all night long (at some point, Jordan tells me, she almost had a mishap keeping time - it was that intense) Anyhoo, they got to chatting and really hit it off; now don't get me wrong they talked at length and in depth, but when I say 'hit it off' what I really mean was that Yummy here was the absolute perfect combination of the sooo cute boy next door with an adorable smile and southern charm, and the soo incredibly hot model you just passed on a billboard and would give anything to rub your hands over his abs just once. That My friends is Yummy. Yeah I know you're jealous too. So Jord and Yummy left together and embarked on a marathon date - the really adorable- talk for hours about nothing- kind you only see in a movie-type of date. He took her for coffee at the fabulously funky and laidback Bourgeois Pig where they laughed, snuggled and talked till they closed the place down. The rest of the night was spent on the beach in Santa Monica watching the sunrise (blah - I think I just threw up in my mouth a little). But in more exciting news, this is apparently where the much storied-abs were first seen. The residue of this fabulous date (eww I just realized...no that wasn't a euphemism people) spilled over into the next couple of weeks as lengthy phone calls and suggestive texts were exchanged.

Then one fateful night Yummy called Jordan...all seemed normal until somehow (that sly fox) Yummy delved into the issue of god. Uh oh - bad move. He got on some tangent about how everything great in his life has come to him because of god - and not just any god - he's Christian . I'm thinking you can guess where this conversation went next. That's right, Yummy started hardcore pitching Jesus and Christianity to Jordan - what?!?!? After trying to be nice and several attempts at being like" that's great, good for you, but I'm Jew", Jordan couldn't take it anymore, especially after Yummy tried desperately to get her to come to a church event with him. In order to get her to go he so kindly offered to go to "some Jewish thing" with her....I'm sorry, that's not how it works. That's not something she (or anyone I can think of actually) would make someone else do. Live and let live, I say. So after arguing with Yummy McBiblethumper for 2 hours and explaining to him forcing others into her religion is never something she would do he finally subsided and they parted ways. Gosh ,Yummy, why did you have to go and ruin things? It could have been beautiful this thing that you and Jordan could have had - but no, instead you had to pull the conversion card. What a waste - he still owes her a spooning....